America, Fuck Yeah

The hunter gatherer in all of us

2011-07-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

So I haven't posted in like 2 years. oh well.

I have been thinking about this blog for a while now and I think Ive come to an understanding about us humans. My cousin (and a few of my family members) are hunters. They like to shoot things and have the heads of the things they shoot mounted on their walls. It's scary when you see it and also when you come to the realization that well, he likes killing things so much that he puts trophies of it in his bed room walls... so yes it bothers me and I have been trying to understand it for a long time.
Ok so here is the realization. in the last 2 years of non posting, I have started to have a deep, strong, need to plant things- food things, to eat. Maybe it's because I'm a mom now or that now I have felt the need to set down some roots - sorta speak-. But I dont think that's it. It didn't really start until I began to garden and started reaping the benefits that I really felt the severity of the need to do it. It's like a little bit of a drug that I didn't even know I was addicted to. And now I NEED to do it. I think about it all the time and I really like books about gardening/farming/animal husbandry etc.above everything else.Like an addict would do. And it's not just me, I mean two books I have read lately are about women who have careers and when they start to farm they can't stop and write about how they believe it's ingrained in us somehow as having been farmers for they bulk of human history. I think I understand their point because I have started to feel that too.
I thought that having a problem with my cousin (and others) who hunt for sport was a different matter altogether but now I'm not so sure.
And now there is the realization- Humans were not just farmers, they were hunters as well- some were hunters I must say. And if you analyze my cousin's actions, it's actually a much easier pill to swallow on every level then raising food animals to kill them.
My cousin went to Africa last year- one of these huge game parks that have all kinds of large animals that you have free range and had all of his spoils taxidermied and mounted. Horrified, I asked him about all the wrong that that was about, to try to put him in his place. But instead when I said- "you wasted all that body of meat, in a country that wasn't yours for a head" he said that actually, he fed a lot of villagers with what he shot, and it was all free range, organic, healthy meat.He did them a big favor. I can understand that having lived in one of those starving villages myself. They even helped cut it up and distribute it as soon as it was done.Making the politics of having the game and the park a beneficial one to both the humans that live there and near it. Also instead of letting the people go and wipe out the whole of the animals on the land, by deforestation or over hunting, by having this big reserve it's regulated, it's private and animals actually thrive there even with the hunters. When I said " yes but those were animals in an ecosystem that depended on them" he said, actually, the guide that took him out (and they had to go with a guide) instructed him on the animal to shoot at, that the animal was always the elderly male who was out of his prime, that had no more breeding in him- (just happened to be the big one of the group) but that he never went for a mother or youth.
So after a while I just listened instead of trying right him, because I think I get it.

Land of equality?

2008-09-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

Last May, the California Supreme court voted it to be unlawful that there be a limit to who could be married. The next day a couple who had been together for 60 years were the first to finally get married. When this happened I had hope. I think, and still believe that California and some Eastern states in the US are setting the tables straight on a lot of issues and this decision seemed to be in line with that. I don't believe that we need to have a say in who can marry. I thought we have been taught that as Americans we are all equal. I thought we got over that when we allowed African Americans and women the vote. The whole sexual revolution and Civil rights movements. Aren't we reinforcing that it is a free country? That America stands for equality and freedom? That no matter what your religious belief you still have the right to pursue happiness? Or did I get that wrong in my first grade lesson on The Constitution? Could it have been that everyone can pursue happiness except same sex couples?
Speaking about religion, I go back and forth on the idea that God is watching. Lately I know for certain He is here with me as this wonderful child develops in my belly. She is strong and I feel her closeness everyday. And so if God is watching and sending us these wonderful new beings to love, I have to believe some of us don't know it. They say they know it and are acting on His behalf by using Him to push their own prejudices and insecurities. Because in November our very forward thinking state of California has on it's ballot a proposition that will reverse the Supreme Court's decision and make it illegal for some of us to marry. Some, not all of us, but some. Like we are divided, like once it was thought that some of us should be able to vote but not all, or like it was thought that some of us should drink from this fountain or go to that school, but not all. I believe that God straightened us out then, that our conciseness and our morality, no matter what our beliefs, allowed us to make our American society into a place more like heaven, where everyone has the right to love and has equal chances to the pursuit of happiness. I hope He is here now like He was then because it is happening again, to a different bunch of Americans but it is the same thing.
I'm sorry I'm not a californian any more. I'm sorry that I won't be there to support my greatest friend in the world when he is told whether he and his loving partner of 3 years can not persue the same happyness that I have.
I guess I should think I am lucky? I guess that I am being told that I should have more rights than other people because I love a man and not a woman. That I should be happy that I am above them? I think about this and I remember a poster that my high school history teacher had hanging on her wall. I think it was to remember the Holocaust, and I know I won't quote it well since it has been a long time since high school, but it said something like: First they came for the communists, but I wasn't a communist so I didn't speak up, then they came for the Jews, but I wasn't a Jew so I didn't speak up, then they came for the Catholics, but I wasn't a Catholic, so I didn't speak up. Then they came for the tradesmen, but I wasn't a tradesmen, so I didn't speak up. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak for me.
I think about my friends who I love and who love me and who have enriched my life, who would do anything for me at a moments notice and have provided me with happiness beyond explanation. And then I think of the people who want to cut them and tell them they are not Americans, they are not as good of people as some are and it hurts, it hurts very badly. I can't even really fathom that someone would want to do that. ... and I can do very little about it.
If you live in California please vote in this election, and please vote NO to Proposition 8.
I also want to encourage our other great states to rethink their previous decisions and to think about what God is really telling us.

To be or not to be- healthy that is...

2008-08-03T10:48:00.000-07:00

I have been volunteering for this charity here in Cardiff called Pedal Power. It's a great thing helping disabled cyclists and generally promoting healthy living and the benefits of cycling. I recently started working for them by expanding their general hire of bikes in a different area of Cardiff- Cardiff bay. I have been working in the bay now for 3 days and it has been slow. I thought because we didn't do a very great job of advertising it before hand and the weather has been a little disappointing to say the least. But we have had a lot of people come and tell us that bringing the bikes to rent to the bay is a great idea and they will have to come another day and rent from us. They have just recently opened a pedestrian/cycle bridge across the bay that has been very popular and so a cycle hire facility there is just want the bay needs. Well I would think.
This is the back of my co-worker Leevon. (Lee) . He is shy of the camera phone especially when what I was really trying to photograph was the little girl selling sweets behind him. Here is a better picture of their outfit.
The woman that is selling here, besides that she isn'a t very nice woman and insisted that she shove her cart right up against our bikes when she had a whole corner to occupy, had her 11 year old granddaughter help her this weekend. Here she is selling candy floss (cotton candy to us Americans) and chocolate covered marshmallows and strawberries. To the normal Bay goer this is a nice sight and everyone loves chocolate especially if it is covering something healthy like strawberries. That's what I thought too, until I have had to operate next to these two for the past few days. I don't think the woman likes the job any more because she is never there leaving the little girl to do all of the selling. The little girl is forever eating the marshmallows and licks her fingers and eats the chocolate too. (You can see the chocolate fountain on the left side of their cart.) They sell 5 marshmallows or 3 strawberries on skewers for 3 pounds (about 6 dollars) a skewer and then ask the customers if they want chocolate on them which of course they say yes, and then the little girl proceeds to stick the skewer in the chocolate getting it on her fingers and then lick them in front of the customer. No hand washing in sight as well. To make matters worse, the chocolate fountain isn't made up of chocolate and milk. I mean I don't know how these things work really, these chocolate fountains, but I was under the impression that the machine heats up the chocolate and you add milk and that's how the chocolate flows, but these ladys, through the course of the day, thins the chocolate down by adding a whole bottle of vegetable oil. Yes, the same type as you would fry in, and yes a WHOLE bottle. No more chocolate added - I don't know how much there was in the mix to begin with- just more vegetable oil.
Now that is ok- I mean fine, ok really bad for you but everyone eats bad for you things sometimes, so what. The part that gets me is that Lee and I are working our butts off, trying to get people to hire these bikes- That cost 4 pounds for an adult bike per hour and 3 pounds for a kiddie bike, and we are struggling to get anyone to hire. We have all kinds of little kids coming up and pointing to the bikes and saying "Daddy, can we go for a ride?" but then walk by us and get in line to buy (for the same price), 5 fingered marshmallows on a stick with vegetable oil.
I mean what??? What kind of parent (and there were many I can tell you- that shop had a line the most of the day) would give a child absolute shit to eat but say no you can't go for a healthy bike ride around the bay? Does that make sense? I have tried to rationalize it the whole day, and finally coming to the conclusions that it is easier for the parent to pull out 3 pounds and give the child crappy food, then to have to be involved by watching the child on a bike or joining themselves on a bike for an hour. Give the kid a lolly and make him shut up. I even had a father say to me... actually this is how it went down... little girl walks up to one of the little pink bikes and says " daddy, can I go for a ride?" and I say "Hey! that bike is just your size! I will give you a free ride on it and your daddy will only have to rent his bike!" ... Then dad says to me picking up his daughter "she can't do that, she isn't strong enough." .. You can imagine the look on the little girls face. I almost called the police I was so angry with that guy, complete verbal abuse to his little girl, tell her she was not strong enough to pedal a little tiny pink bike just her size. And I was giving the girl he bike ride for free!! I mean, if the guy didn't want to rent a bike that is fine, he could have said, "oh no,not today." but instead he chose to tell me no by saying that the girl wasn't strong enough. All day long I help disabled people, sometimes severely disabled people, onto bikes and this guy is saying that his clearly able daughter isn't strong enough. Maybe if I was giving the girl a free "shit-on-a-stick" he would have bought one for himself too?

oh well, that's us I guess.

Oh, one more thing, that happened to me yesterday, that I think fits this blog nicely. The people at the bay that have let us set up shop there have been really nice, always coming to see if we need anything and if we are ok. Yesterday Lee and I were plagued by this very over weight security guard that Lee thought was jinxing us because he kept coming over, looking at our log book with our poor sales and hissing and making faces. He said to me, "you won't see me on any of those either", pointing towards the bikes.
And I said "why not? they are brand new and it's a great day to take a ride"
"I only like things with motors."
"Really?, well don't you like your legs? they happen to be great motors!" I said with a smile and a giggle.
"I have four cars!"
"O... K..., ummmm Why do you have 4 cars? there is only one of you?, I don't even own a car here in Wales and it's fine"
"Four cars is better than one." he said with a look of superiority
Now, at this point, I tried desperately to change the subject thinking of anything other than maybe you should try something other than trying to impress people with how many cars you own- I thought that I was getting hungry and he might have an idea - seeing the size of the man- about where a good place to get lunch. Plus the fact that Lee and I have set up right across the path from this gourmet burger restaurant that at the moment was producing this wonderful smell of burgers grilling.
"Well... hummm... the price of petrol is really high do you know of anywhere around here that is a good place to have some lunch?"
"I don't eat here, this food is too healthy like." As the waitress brings out two patrons their delicious and extreemly NOT healthy looking burgers and chips (french fries to us Americans).
"Too healthy? really?" I asked trying to get him to notice the burgers and fries.
"Yes! and I bet you don't even like beer!" he said with another look of superiority.
At this point I got a little worried that I had been unknowingly demeaning and quickly tried to change the subject again.
"Actually I love beer, I can't have it now though since I'm 4 and a half months pregnant."
"You should have told my wife that when she was pregnant- drank all though her pregnancy!" he exclaimed as if his wife was cooler, more hip and daring than I was.
"Oh... well, I should probably hand out these fliers now..."

Name it!

2008-06-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

So what to name the next messiah? That is what Alex and I have been thinking about every night before we fall asleep lately. Its a big decision you know? I mean what if Mary and Joesph named Him Rodney or Clancy or Harry Potter? I mean Jesus Christ is a heavy name was it popular in those days? I mean was there 5 Jesus Christs in His class?
Well this will be our first baby so we should try to pick a good one. We could make one up but then he (or she!) will have to endure years of teachers and colleagues trying to pronounce it and asking "is that Slavic?" Or we could name it after a famous person or a friend- but what happens if at some point they find out Albert Einstein was a fraud or a friend of ours steals a car or robs a bank? Bad karma for the kid. My sister and brother have ruled out a few names because they have dibs for their future children. We DEFINITELY CAN NOT name it some thing that everyone now is naming their kids. I've heard of a lot of Jacks, Olivias, and Emilys lately and although those are all great names and ones Alex and I have considered, its not so fun to have a name that everyone else has. Mom said that Michele or Michelle came into popularity after the Beatles song but before that there were hardly any Michelles. That's why I believe Harry is in the top 5 most popular names.
We could name it something Welsh since it will be born here - that's an option- but we haven't found any yet that we really like and that also aren't so long.
So I'm open for suggestions but reserve the right to comment on names like Barbie, Candy, or anything resembling a porn name.

Oh Devine Christmas Gift from God.

2008-05-16T06:14:00.000-07:00

That is two very clear pink lines!

My dearest fans I would like to announce the creation of a new American. Yes, yours truly is creating a human being and I can't wait. I have been slowly spreading the news and have mostly heard "Well that was quick" since Alex and I have only been married not yet 8 months. But thats what happens and we are so excited we cant hold it in. We have nicknamed the baby Jesus, since the due date for this new American is December 25th. My father likes to call him/her Chuy but I think its a bit blasphemous since this new creation MUST be the next messiah. And what a perfect time for REAL leader to emerge to us Americans!! Well, I guess the baby can't be the president of the United states not since will be born in the UK, but I'm glad really, I know for sure now that it wont be the Antichrist. :)
You've gotta keep an open mind about things, since I have no idea in the slightest what this baby will be like. At first I thought it was a boy since my arm pits really stunk bad and I was ready to fight in an instant, but now I'm not so sure. I had a dream the other night that the baby was a girl with blond hair and Alex's eyes but we are going to have to wait. And that is what I have been doing, waiting. I hate waiting. Especially when I feel so sick. One thing I remember when my friend Ellen was pregnant. When asked how she was feeling she said, "Well, I can't ski, I cant drink, and I feel fat and totally uncomfortable." I thought, well, thats secondary, you are creating a human being! Can't you suck it up for 9 months? And now I am eating my words. I really cant tell you how tired I feel and how sick I am ALL the time. It feels like a REALLY bad hangover that wont go away. Sometimes I wish that I would just throw up so I can feel a little bit better. I got up this morning to take a shower and brush my teeth and promptly had to lay down again because just that took all my energy and strength. I'm sure that the only way that I feel comfortable is if I lay on my left side and have to fall asleep fast before my arm falls asleep and I have to adjust in someway. I am wishing for Christmas like you can't imagine. But I am aware that I have a job to do now, I made a pancreas, and 2 elbows last week, that has to take a lot of energy right?
Well all that is great but on top of it all I'm scared to death that the baby made a mistake by picking me at this time. I hope Alex and I can be as wonderful of parents as ours were but I know that its not going to be easy at all especially when we are so far from America and our beloved families. I am glad though that we are here in the UK and taken care of with the Social Health system and don't have to worry about insurance ... yet.
So welcome all to Cardiff, but if you aren't able to get here until next year, there will be three Tumlinson's, or 2 Tumlinsons and one Messiah.

It's a Bute

2008-04-20T03:28:00.001-07:00

Bute Park is blooming FINALLY!! Its still cold here (in the 50's) But its nice when the sun comes out everyone smiles.
Here are some pictures of Alex and I cycling in the park on a tandem bike.

The Henge

2008-04-20T03:22:00.000-07:00

Alex and recently went to Stonehenge on our bikes. We took the train to Salsbury and then rode our bikes to the Henge. It was awesome but really weird. We cycled through these great little villages and then all of the sudden we came over a hill and there it was. It's in the middle of a field and there are sheep all around it. There is also a major highway going right through the middle of the field. Totally weird. Here are some pictures...

On the subject

2008-04-04T04:07:00.000-07:00

So if you take the Lost quiz on this blog like I did, make sure you aren't like Michael Dawson. After last few episodes of Lost we all have seen that Mr Dawson sucks big time and is working for Benjamin Linus. I just want to make it clear that I AM NOT LIKE MICHEAL DAWSON even though it says so on my Blog. I would never work for Ben. But on the other hand, Sayid said he would never work for Ben but he did in the end...
To much drama.
Maybe I should talk about the Clinton/Obama run off instead.
:)
on a lighter note, my good friend Keri sent me this random picture of a banana fish.

Lost

2008-03-09T05:43:00.000-07:00

Ifound this on the web somewhere and thought it was funny

2 Westbury Terrace

2008-01-08T04:17:00.001-08:00

This is our house in Cardiff. I have opened the door in this picture so it seems very inviting for all our friends and family so they will want to come visit. It's on the end of the terrace and our neighbors are really nice.
Speaking of our neighbors, we got a Christmas card through our mail slot this year addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Bush. It was from the neighbors in #12 who we gathered starred as R2D2 in Star Wars because they added a flyer with the card that advertised a "5th annual Star Wars Christmas Event, with guest star Kenny Baker, R2D2" With an arrow to the picture of R2D2 that said "Resides at #12" . I went to meet this Kenny Baker and to thank the Bakers for the card and was greeted by "Oh the American woman!" "I'm sorry, love, I didn't know your name and Bush was the only American name I knew!" Mr Baker- who introduced himself as John (?why?) and his wife Anne had also signed their card "Welcome to the home of the not so brave!!!" and on the next line "Any Gum chum??"
Yes our neighbors are weird I must say, but funny none the less and we fit right in.
The British are also very safe with electricity. - with the roads its much different, they are as crazy as my neighbors but with electricity they are so overly safe it's annoying. every wall socket has a swicth that much be on for anything to work and every plug has a fuse just in case the fuse in the switched socket fails and you somehow get your finger in between the huge plug and the wall. It is against the law to have a socket in the bathroom but put an electric water heating shower instead of using the water heater for the house. BUT! to turn on the shower you have to pull a knob (it's safely a wooded knob on a long string coming from a fused switch in the ceiling) to turn on the power to the shower before you get in the shower and push a fused on/off button to start or stop the water. There is also a longer string with a bigger knob to pull for the lights in the bathroom. Can't be too safe.
This is my bike.There are baskets to go on the sides that aren't shown but are with me pretty much wherever I go. Since we don't have a car I walk and ride all over the place and cart things around in these bags. I love my bike. I hope it doesn't get stolen.

welcome to the 21st century Tumlinsons!

2008-01-03T04:28:00.000-08:00

We finally got internet at the house here in Cardiff. LONG story but it's all over so I can finally begin to write again in my blog- so Im going to get some great pictures and post them so you can see.

Specialized Americans

2007-11-07T11:29:00.000-08:00

Alex and I are finally leaving for Cardiff on Tuesday and I have no idea what I'm going to be doing there, I haven't found a job. I have been looking at ads for Engineers but I fear that I'm too specialized, that I'm not going to be good to start anything new since there is hardly any Aerospace in Cardiff- or at least I haven't found anything yet. You see we Americans (and I'm sure a good portions of citizens from western societies) go to school or learn a trade and that's it, you can't change. If you wanted to, lets say be an Engineer and then go to San Francisco to be a tailor, you have to go to school again for it. Even if you already know how to sew. I was thinking how awesome it would be to be a rancher or a farmer; But even if I had the money to buy ranch/farm land, I would have no idea of what to do with it. My only experience with plants and animals was my quick stint in Africa and my little yard here in Tucson. I have no idea about fertilizers, pest control, watering amounts, space requirements and choosing which crop, harvesting times, where to buy seed, who to sell the stuff to and at what prices- etc. I have no idea. I'm not even really that good with plants, my mothers garden yields more vegetables in a week than I produced in three years in my back yard. I asked her how she does it but she shrugs and says, I don't know, if you want any feel free to take as much as you want...

I'm thinking of getting a part time job at a nursery so maybe I could pick up some tips, but I'm not sure they would hire me since I'm an Engineer and what could I bring to their business?

I have another example. Alex's friend Garrett. He is an awesome photographer but because he is in Optics, photography has become his "hobby", as gardening has become mine, and even though he is a better photographer than I have seen in a long time, he is an Optical Engineer, and that's what he does. Here are the pictures he took for our wedding

http://www.flickr.com/photos/garretb/collections/72157602213252924/

here are others he has taken. http://www.flickr.com/photos/garretb/

He is so good that I feel bad that they are on flickr! that anyone can take them for free! I think he could easily make a living off the ones he has already taken! Here are some of my favorites...

Not in a million years could I take such good pictures. Thanks Garrett for taking our wedding photographs and even more for giving me hope for engineers.

RIP Turbo

2007-11-07T10:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in very long time, but I have an excuse; I can do what I want, it's my Blog.

But I am mournful today. Turbo died. I haven't included a picture of the poor thing after the incident because frankly it was just too terrible a scene. I know on my siblings Blogs you have seen cute pictures of West Highland White Terriers but don't be fooled, they are not as cute to helpless undeserving tortoises (or anything else!). Turbo was the smaller of the two, Jet, couldn't fit himself in between the bars in the garden but Turbo, cute, tiny Turbo, did. Only to be chewed up by non other than a hound from hell. We buried her under a mesquite tree in the front yard. Rest in Peace my sweet tortoise. I'm glad you and Pippa will be going in opposite directions when she dies so she can't torment you any more.

When Jet gets older, I'm sure he will get his revenge. http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=916555776

FYI

2007-07-26T14:12:00.001-07:00

Alex told me the other day that he read my blog and took the "Which LOST character are you?" quiz.

All I have to say is, Sayid rocks.

Floor Eating!

2007-07-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

So another thing that I have noticed since I've been back form Ghana is that Americans are clean. Actually I remember the first week I was home I didn't shower for 3 days and I remember looking in the mirror after those 3 days and saying "Damn my hair looks good!" and I really thought so too. I have since been acclimatized but I also remember thinking the floors in my parents house were so clean and I frequently found myself wanting to lay down on the carpet and thinking how great wall to wall carpeting was and how clean a society needed to be so that we could have permanent carpeting and not have to take it outside and beat it everyday. I'm sure all of my Peace Corps friends remember the Swish swishing of the palm frond brooms in the morning and remember wondering when we first got there why they swept so often and why they swept the dirt drives in front of the buildings.
Well my fellow Americans, I hope we can all come to the realization that America is A LOT cleaner than a lot of other places in the world and our floors really are clean enough to eat off of.
Here is an article that Ingrid alerted me to, that proves we already know it.
The 5-second rule is America.

parking for sale

2007-07-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

I think this article speaks for itself.
maybe we should take this as a lesson and spend the hundreds of thousands of dollars we are spending on parking spaces on public transportation.
- Gooooood IDEa!...

Love, sweet love

2007-07-11T07:46:00.000-07:00

So. I can't say much about marriage since this will be my first time, but as it stands so far it's pretty fun. Actually I never really had an idea of what marriage was like so it's very interesting how things work out. I once had an idea of what my fairytale wedding would be like but that has been disbanded by the 6 weddings I have been in and from those I have completely decided there will be NO chicken dance, NO Macarena, No dollar dance, NO shoving cake in anyones face and ONLY open bar. (if someone decides to dance on a table that would be fine too.) Actually as my family has made it clear over the years that I have known them, a party is a party, but that's not marriage. Quite agreed. And I'm so excited about it, I can hardly think about anything else other than Alex. Dreamy Alex.

I'm pretty

2007-05-16T16:39:00.000-07:00

Americans love our dogs. American dogs are so cute and they don't have to do anything but they get food, shelter and love. Reminds me of Paris Hilton.
I once had a conversation with my friend Mike. Although I quickly found out that he was pulling my chain, I couldn't let the statement "Paris Hilton is so cool." get by me without someone standing up for the sane. What is Paris Hilton we might ask? Well she is the daughter of a very wealthy hotel tycoon that has starved herself to look model-esk in pictures that are taken of the heiress of billions.
But what we forget when we look at the pretty pictures of her that Paris Hilton is dumb.
No matter though, we Americans think she is a celebrity. And why do we think she is a celebrity, I have no idea. I think she did some modeling way back when, but I don't think anyone thinks of her like Christie Brinkley or Naomi Campbell. She and her friend Nichole Richie are the stars in a "Reality" show, but that has been in recent years and I think the producer just wanted to make fun of her and make money from the spectacle. She is a singer. Hmmmm...Right. If you haven't heard her song don't worry you aren't missing much, this again was someones way of trying to make money off of her. The song sucks (if she has more than one, sorry hearing one was all I could handle). If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have been let in the door because, really, she has no talent. Although I think whoever produced it and whoever came up with the idea of it, is a genius! We should be watching those guys! But those guys (or gals!) aren't celebrities, Paris is...but doesn't a celebrity need to have a talent? Even people like Richard Simmons, who no one can really remember him doing anything except "Dancin' to the oldies", makes people laugh. And that at least is something to tune in to. But why do we Americans tune into news or shows about Paris Hilton? I still can't work it out. Maybe because she is pretty? Because she is sexy? That could be a good argument but the Internet is crammed full of porn sites you can look at pretty, sexy girls, but we wouldn't buy their albums and we don't feature them on FOX news.
Mike seems to think differently. He says that she is interesting because Americans don't really know what to do with a person who has SO much money but did nothing to earn it, as is the American way. He said that THAT is interesting so lets look at the pretty rich dumb girl and see what she does next. I guess we aren't so different from any other culture. Everyone likes to look at someone really freakish. Or maybe everyone is waiting for something really awful to happen to make her more like the rest of us. That's a terrible thought!

No, folks I think Paris Hilton claim to fame came this morning in an article from FOX news. She was arrested some time ago for drunk and reckless driving and her mom said "Hopefully, young people who look up to people like Paris will learn from this."
I hope so too. And not just about the drunk driving thing. Here is some clothing that the young people can yearn to wear...

YIKES!
Well if nothing less at least our Young Americans can learn to make sure you wear clothes that cover your nipples when in the spot light...

Sorry but, Paris Hilton is America. Or more, the Paris Hilton Phenomena is America.

YOU don't know Jack, but I do....

2007-05-08T15:34:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a 4 day vacation to Jazz Fest in New Orleans, LA. My bestest, Lisa, and I had the time of our lives. I have never been to New Orleans and if you haven't either I STRONGLY suggest you go before it's underwater. What a great atmosphere where you can drink on the street and everyone calls you "baby". It's more like "Baaaaby" but everyone responds to it and no one gets offended that they were too referred to it.

The Fest was amazing, we rocked out to a ton of bands including the Counting crows, Stephen Marley,the Allman Bros, and my new favorite, Better than Ezra which I had no idea the lead singer was so funny. Here is a picture of people dancing to one of the Jazz bands. I guess there is a tradition of bringing funny little umbrellas to dance with if you like the music. So great!

We met so many people in New Orleans, I hope I can convey the characters and try to be brief all the same.

The first night we got there we met a guy from England (on the border of Wales mind you!) who was very young and I would guess lived out in the middle of nowhere England because I could only understand very little of what he was saying. Or it might have been the amount of drinks that guy had. This is Richard in my glasses. He thought they looked "brilliant".

The second night Lisa and I met a bunch of people. From Jenn and Frankie (Frankaline)

who showed us around town and introduced us to the "Spotted Cat" lounge where we met Johnny from Nantucket who is the one and only inventor of the "Handy Cane". Yes folks we met him in a small place but as you all know is a big man. If you are so ignorant and don't know know what the Handy Cane is click here. Don't worry, we didn't know either and he gave us a bad look when he found out we either: one-didn't buy real Christmas trees or two- were Jewish. Funny guy though.

Over all the people we met, my favorite by far was Alvin. Lisa and I went to a piano bar on Bourbon street one night and listened to an eclectic mix of hits performed by dueling pianos, when all of the sudden a man rushes in and stood in the small cranny made by the two grand pianos. He had what looked like the little white chef-hat like caps that you would see on the ends of a large turkey legs at Thanksgiving on each of his fingers. They might have been specialized pads but one couldn't imagine what he was doing with his fingers wrapped up like they were. We soon found out, when he started tapping on the bottom of a platter with a few coins on it to make tambourine sounding "kroosh, kroosh" on beat with the pianos. Then he started dancing. The man was so funny with his VERY tight black shiny short sleeved shirt and a gray vest, that people were throwing money on his platter like he was the piano man himself.

So, now the person who I really wanted to tell you about. Let me regress...

Before I left for New Orleans I received two separate phone calls from my sister and my father. Both said that they had been to NOLA and loved it and that I HAD to go to a place called Jacques-imos because they both said the food was to die for. So after the Fest on the second day Lisa and I took a cab to the most crowded restaurant I have ever seen and put our name on a 2 hour waiting list. Because we got there so late we were starving and the thought of waiting 2 hours to eat was murderous. So we thought we would stand by the EXTREMELY crowded bar that took up a good portion of the front room and see if we could get an appetizer to hold us over. We almost had to stand at the waiter's stand to get close enough to the bar where we ordered a glass of wine and some Jambalaya. THE BEST jambalaya on the earth, hands down. It also came with some fried green tomatoes which If I can say, were better than any thing I have tasted. ever. Just as we were raving at the quality of the food the man sitting next to us let us sit down and was telling us that he lived in NO and Jack Leonardi (the owner and head chef) was renowned for his recipes and opened a small food stand somewhere else in the city and that was always packed with people as well. As soon as he brought up the owners name, there came a voice over my shoulder "Oh don't talk about that man, he is a creep!" We turn around to see the great chef himself with the biggest smile on his face. So, because Lisa and I are so beautiful and friendly we engage Jack in conversation and over the course of the time it took to be called to sit and have dinner, Jack had bought us appetizers and drinks. So much so that I had to take our names off the waiting list because we we too full to eat another bite. And we had the most amazing dinner imaginable- for free (almost). So this blog is dedicated to my sister and my father. And Ern, You may not know Jack, but I do!

fauna

2007-04-30T20:30:00.000-07:00

That last blog got me thinking of the animals in my yard. I have a TINY yard. I don't even think some would even classify it as a yard. It's more like a small patio although I think it's smaller than my parents' "side of the house" which is too small to do anything with except throw the dog shit there. So why would there be so many animals?! I don't know. The only animals that I put there are my tiny tortoises... in my TINY yard. This is Turbo, (Jet was hiding when I went to take the picture).

Yesterday I cleaned the house a bit and open the door to get some fresh air from my tiny yard and this bird was going crazy so after about 1o minutes I went out getting ready to see a HUGE bird from the sound it was making, thinking how could such a huge bird fit in my tiny yard and this is what i saw.

A tiny bird. Actually the smallest bird ever! A hummimngbird! Making that much noise? It was pretty cute though. :)

I think the biggest thing I have ever seen in my tiny yard is what my cousin Krista likes to call "The monster". Actually I have had many infestations of "The Monster"bugs but the first time Krista saw one she screamed like she was being cut up. I had a long discussion with an expert and he told me it was a Manduca Rustica Larve. I think that's what he said anyway.

That picture doesn't really tell how large this thing is... here try this one...

This is my tiny spade that threw it over the wall shortly after I took this picture.

The scariest think I saw was a dimonback rattlesnake. I was looking for the elusive Jet and turned over the tiny ramada I had made for him and there he was, cuddling right next to this horrid creature. No I didn't get a picture of it. God be damned if I went outside again before the "animal" control guy got there. But I did take a picture of the 5 snakes Alex and I saw at the most wonderful cnayon in the world.

Not to worry. These were the "good" kind of snakes. At least that's what everyone has told me. I am just wondering why I my tiny tortoises don't have "good" friends, I caught then hanging out with the Dimondback. I guess that's why Jet was hiding when family picture time comes around. I gave him a good grounding for that one and he was getting back at me. Ahhh, Kids these days. Maybe if I gave them a bigger room...

HOOT!

2007-04-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

Nick and Kristine came over last night for a beer. I started telling them about when i first moved into this house and there was a huge owl that used to come around an scare the absolute crap out of me because he hooted so loudly.

All of the sudden it came back! We heard it on the roof and everyone looked around at everyone else to see if that was really happening. Nick shouted for me to go get the camera and this is what we saw.

It was scary and when Kristine started making little mouse sounds I took the picture right when it was scoping us out.

I think we would have second thought our sounds of prey when we found out that it was a BIRD OF SATAN!
Look at those eyes!!! my god!

red necks

2007-04-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

I love camping.

Last weekend we went camping to Parker Canyon Lake. The lake was beautiful but it contained no fish. At least none that liked to eat our bait.
Here are some pictures of the gang getting ready to not catch anything.

Eric in his duck hunting attire-

Errriiic...we weren't hunting ducks...
maybe that was part of our problem?

Nick and Kristine, trying to figure out what to do with the dogs. Kristine I'm afraid said she thinks she needs another vacation to get away from her pups. But she sure had a great collection of lotions!

Rock on.

here is Alex and Matt not catching anything and the dog running wild. Notice the wild dog in the upper right hand corner... Here is an action shot.and to end it all. Nick catching one fish. Look at the excitement on his face.

We ate that tiny fish with some awesome cheese soup that Alex attempted to make but all we really came back with were dirt under our fingernails and red necks.

From Sea to Shining Sea

2007-04-09T20:10:00.000-07:00

As for my beloved country, I can't say that anywhere can compare to Tucson, Arizona. Alex and I went hiking last Friday. I had the beautiful day off of work and Alex, because he is awesome, took the day off to spend with me. BIG kudos to him.
One thing Alex likes to do, God Bless him, is to take the road less traveled and Friday was no different. The trip started out by taking Alex's new car up to Mt Lemmon , parking at the Prison camp and walking on the Arizona trail. Here is a picture of my lovely city in the desert from on top of the mountain...and starting our hike...
after about an hour or two, Alex decided that we should go off the trail because the trail we were on was too widely used and he knew of a prettier place. Now, believe it or not, I have done a lot of crazy things against other peoples better judgment, but when Alex started treading through the bushes I remembered when I first met him and he went on a 3 day "soul cleansing" hike in the same area. He was alone with a no good map, and all he brought with him was a water filter and some cheese. He got lost, cut up and had to re trace his steps 3 times before calling me and saying, "...Don't get worried, but I'm lost, I see bear tracks and dung all over and I might need you to call the helicopter." Well, needless to say, when Alex said he knew a better way, I thought better of it but because I had pretty good bearings on where we were and I had brought my gators just in case of this exact moment, put them on and told him I would follow. And low and behold I will never second guess that guy again. What we saw was the most amazing piece of canyon! Actually the part we saw was right above seven falls in Bear canyon.
Dear Alex, I will follow you anywhere. Heart.

Hoffmann Roast

2007-04-02T19:54:00.000-07:00

So I have been told that my blog is "political" and "not republican" and a british friend of mine asked me to clerify that I really did like America. So I am going to not just write about things in America that I think are "absurd" but also my life. (which still fits the theme since I am an american and things I do are still what life is like in America, and which also fits my friend Ben's theme of selfishness).
So today, not fitting with either of those themes, I want to introduce you to my friends Scott and Julie Hoffmann who are selfless, model Americans to be sure.
There are 2 reasons I want to exploit them, one because Scott (-Dufus affectionatly) sent me pictures of his recent climbing trip to Robbers Roost, UT and the pictures made me so jelous I can hardly stand it, and the second reason is this week is Julie's 30th Birthday and what a good way to celebrate, to have little roost of my own. (I know it's roast, scotty, but you didn't go to Robbers Roast did you?)

I met Scott and Julie in Africa-well actually in a small room in Washington DC on the way to Africa: they were in the Peace Corps with me.
When I think of those early days in Ghana, I remember them like this.- Scott and Julie after Scott had shaved his head for the first time...

cute couple huh?
and they just got cuter as time went on... actually Scott's hair didn't get any cuterthough... here is Scott with his hair buddies Rob and Ben. They took a bet to see how long their hair can grow, but no one knew it was just Julie's slyness that got Mel to make that bet because she didn't like the bald thing. Although, Julie, I'm sorry to say, this wasn't much better.

Here's the cute couple, voted prom king and queen. And yes Scott is not wearing a shirt. Surprised?

I have a favorite picture of Scott and Julie, and this I am proud to say could have been the hardest I have ever laughed in my whole life. And for those of you who know i like to laugh, you can imagine.

What are they doing you might ask? Why is Julie holding a LARGE bottle of beer under her boob? Well just be glad I was laughing too hard to get out my camera and take the picture so you could see why Scott is sitting in a puddle of that beer. And why is Scott in tiny speedos? Well my friends, to this day I STILL have no idea, but scotty does like to drink beer.

Julie also likes to drink beer. This shot is of julie playing a great game we learned called Baghead. I can't really remember the rules, only that if you become the baghead you have to wear a bag on your head and drink your beer through a nasty hole in the bag while others in the game throw bottle caps at you and laugh. Sweet game huh? (notice the bottle cap that has just hit Julie's bag while she was sticking her tougue out of the nasty lil' hole...)

All these pictures are agreed not very good quality, but hopefully Scott and Julie can remember the great times we had andhopefully many more to go.

Love you guys, happy birthday julie.

pimp that snack

2007-04-01T12:19:00.000-07:00

ok actually I think this is an English thing, not an American thing, but how cares it's funny.
Have you seen this website? people making huge food! why do we want bigger stuff all the time?
Check it out "pimp that snack".
my by far favorite one is the Cadbury creme egg. The time it took to paint on the tin foil only to be ripped apart and taken a picture of for THIS website! WEIRD!

hummers!

2007-04-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

I watched a movie when I got back to the states: Team America. My brother often brings weird movies to my parents house so that we can sit around and watch my parents monstrous flat screen TV which my father bought for himself on my mother's birthday. She was at her charity of a work and came home to see the hole in the wall which held the old TV mutilated and her carpet underneath riddled with wood chips. See my father had gone gown the street a few days earlier and seen the neighbors new High Def 52" flat screen TV and promptly figured out which holiday was closest so he could have an excuse to get one of his own. But the hole for the TV wasn't big enough so he had to get out his electric Saws-All and make the hole bigger. My dad loves Costco as do most Americans because you can get BIG stuff there which comes in BULK! (now that all you Americans have read this I'm sure you want your own huge Television so here is the link) MORE STUFF! See, in bulk you can theoretically buy things cheaper. Americans see this as a bargain but I have rarely seen anyone come out of Costco spending less then $200. (quick fact-$200 is what the average Ghanaian makes in 6 months.
Costco Is America.
Anyway I saw Team America when I got back, and if you haven't seen it , do. It's great. don't see it near the children though, because you will subject them to scenes of puppet humor that don't get shown on channel 6. The movie (full name: Team America, World Police. Putting the "F" back in freedom) is a parody of American life, showing patriotic puppets that have teamed up to fight the world. After watching it you will notice things like this in your own neighborhood...if you can't see it, sorry it's was taken with my camera phone- another great American invention. This picture is of a black Hummer with large bull horns and an American Flag plate tied to the front grate. Yes Folks, America has some of the best road systems in this great world of ours, but we Americans think that we need an armored tank of a vehicle to get from our air conditioned houses to Tony Romas (which is where this picture was taken) and just to put a little "F" in the equation we feel the need to tie horns on the front of our tanks with an American flag, just in case we might see a terrorist at Tony Romas we have the means to mow him down and put an American mark on his ass.
Hummers are America, fuck yeah.

on the eighth day...

2007-04-01T10:46:00.000-07:00

so I came back from Africa to be an American again and I have been noticing things that we do that are a little absurd. I've been back for over 2 1/2 years now so I have a lot of things stored up. I just have to go around and take pictures of these absurdities so we can see ourselves again.
so here it starts.
On the Eighth day, God created the American.