Specialized Americans

Alex and I are finally leaving for Cardiff on Tuesday and I have no idea what I'm going to be doing there, I haven't found a job. I have been looking at ads for Engineers but I fear that I'm too specialized, that I'm not going to be good to start anything new since there is hardly any Aerospace in Cardiff- or at least I haven't found anything yet. You see we Americans (and I'm sure a good portions of citizens from western societies) go to school or learn a trade and that's it, you can't change. If you wanted to, lets say be an Engineer and then go to San Francisco to be a tailor, you have to go to school again for it. Even if you already know how to sew. I was thinking how awesome it would be to be a rancher or a farmer; But even if I had the money to buy ranch/farm land, I would have no idea of what to do with it. My only experience with plants and animals was my quick stint in Africa and my little yard here in Tucson. I have no idea about fertilizers, pest control, watering amounts, space requirements and choosing which crop, harvesting times, where to buy seed, who to sell the stuff to and at what prices- etc. I have no idea. I'm not even really that good with plants, my mothers garden yields more vegetables in a week than I produced in three years in my back yard. I asked her how she does it but she shrugs and says, I don't know, if you want any feel free to take as much as you want...

I'm thinking of getting a part time job at a nursery so maybe I could pick up some tips, but I'm not sure they would hire me since I'm an Engineer and what could I bring to their business?

I have another example. Alex's friend Garrett. He is an awesome photographer but because he is in Optics, photography has become his "hobby", as gardening has become mine, and even though he is a better photographer than I have seen in a long time, he is an Optical Engineer, and that's what he does. Here are the pictures he took for our wedding

http://www.flickr.com/photos/garretb/collections/72157602213252924/

here are others he has taken. http://www.flickr.com/photos/garretb/

He is so good that I feel bad that they are on flickr! that anyone can take them for free! I think he could easily make a living off the ones he has already taken! Here are some of my favorites...

Not in a million years could I take such good pictures. Thanks Garrett for taking our wedding photographs and even more for giving me hope for engineers.

RIP Turbo

I haven't written in very long time, but I have an excuse; I can do what I want, it's my Blog.

But I am mournful today. Turbo died. I haven't included a picture of the poor thing after the incident because frankly it was just too terrible a scene. I know on my siblings Blogs you have seen cute pictures of West Highland White Terriers but don't be fooled, they are not as cute to helpless undeserving tortoises (or anything else!). Turbo was the smaller of the two, Jet, couldn't fit himself in between the bars in the garden but Turbo, cute, tiny Turbo, did. Only to be chewed up by non other than a hound from hell. We buried her under a mesquite tree in the front yard. Rest in Peace my sweet tortoise. I'm glad you and Pippa will be going in opposite directions when she dies so she can't torment you any more.

When Jet gets older, I'm sure he will get his revenge. http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoID=916555776

FYI

Alex told me the other day that he read my blog and took the "Which LOST character are you?" quiz.

All I have to say is, Sayid rocks.

Floor Eating!

So another thing that I have noticed since I've been back form Ghana is that Americans are clean. Actually I remember the first week I was home I didn't shower for 3 days and I remember looking in the mirror after those 3 days and saying "Damn my hair looks good!" and I really thought so too. I have since been acclimatized but I also remember thinking the floors in my parents house were so clean and I frequently found myself wanting to lay down on the carpet and thinking how great wall to wall carpeting was and how clean a society needed to be so that we could have permanent carpeting and not have to take it outside and beat it everyday. I'm sure all of my Peace Corps friends remember the Swish swishing of the palm frond brooms in the morning and remember wondering when we first got there why they swept so often and why they swept the dirt drives in front of the buildings.
Well my fellow Americans, I hope we can all come to the realization that America is A LOT cleaner than a lot of other places in the world and our floors really are clean enough to eat off of.
Here is an article that Ingrid alerted me to, that proves we already know it.
The 5-second rule is America.

parking for sale

I think this article speaks for itself.
maybe we should take this as a lesson and spend the hundreds of thousands of dollars we are spending on parking spaces on public transportation.
- Gooooood IDEa!...

Love, sweet love

So. I can't say much about marriage since this will be my first time, but as it stands so far it's pretty fun. Actually I never really had an idea of what marriage was like so it's very interesting how things work out. I once had an idea of what my fairytale wedding would be like but that has been disbanded by the 6 weddings I have been in and from those I have completely decided there will be NO chicken dance, NO Macarena, No dollar dance, NO shoving cake in anyones face and ONLY open bar. (if someone decides to dance on a table that would be fine too.) Actually as my family has made it clear over the years that I have known them, a party is a party, but that's not marriage. Quite agreed. And I'm so excited about it, I can hardly think about anything else other than Alex. Dreamy Alex.

I'm pretty

Americans love our dogs. American dogs are so cute and they don't have to do anything but they get food, shelter and love. Reminds me of Paris Hilton.
I once had a conversation with my friend Mike. Although I quickly found out that he was pulling my chain, I couldn't let the statement "Paris Hilton is so cool." get by me without someone standing up for the sane. What is Paris Hilton we might ask? Well she is the daughter of a very wealthy hotel tycoon that has starved herself to look model-esk in pictures that are taken of the heiress of billions.
But what we forget when we look at the pretty pictures of her that Paris Hilton is dumb.
No matter though, we Americans think she is a celebrity. And why do we think she is a celebrity, I have no idea. I think she did some modeling way back when, but I don't think anyone thinks of her like Christie Brinkley or Naomi Campbell. She and her friend Nichole Richie are the stars in a "Reality" show, but that has been in recent years and I think the producer just wanted to make fun of her and make money from the spectacle. She is a singer. Hmmmm...Right. If you haven't heard her song don't worry you aren't missing much, this again was someones way of trying to make money off of her. The song sucks (if she has more than one, sorry hearing one was all I could handle). If it was anyone else, they wouldn't have been let in the door because, really, she has no talent. Although I think whoever produced it and whoever came up with the idea of it, is a genius! We should be watching those guys! But those guys (or gals!) aren't celebrities, Paris is...but doesn't a celebrity need to have a talent? Even people like Richard Simmons, who no one can really remember him doing anything except "Dancin' to the oldies", makes people laugh. And that at least is something to tune in to. But why do we Americans tune into news or shows about Paris Hilton? I still can't work it out. Maybe because she is pretty? Because she is sexy? That could be a good argument but the Internet is crammed full of porn sites you can look at pretty, sexy girls, but we wouldn't buy their albums and we don't feature them on FOX news.
Mike seems to think differently. He says that she is interesting because Americans don't really know what to do with a person who has SO much money but did nothing to earn it, as is the American way. He said that THAT is interesting so lets look at the pretty rich dumb girl and see what she does next. I guess we aren't so different from any other culture. Everyone likes to look at someone really freakish. Or maybe everyone is waiting for something really awful to happen to make her more like the rest of us. That's a terrible thought!

No, folks I think Paris Hilton claim to fame came this morning in an article from FOX news. She was arrested some time ago for drunk and reckless driving and her mom said "Hopefully, young people who look up to people like Paris will learn from this."
I hope so too. And not just about the drunk driving thing. Here is some clothing that the young people can yearn to wear...

YIKES!
Well if nothing less at least our Young Americans can learn to make sure you wear clothes that cover your nipples when in the spot light...

Sorry but, Paris Hilton is America. Or more, the Paris Hilton Phenomena is America.

YOU don't know Jack, but I do....

I just got back from a 4 day vacation to Jazz Fest in New Orleans, LA. My bestest, Lisa, and I had the time of our lives. I have never been to New Orleans and if you haven't either I STRONGLY suggest you go before it's underwater. What a great atmosphere where you can drink on the street and everyone calls you "baby". It's more like "Baaaaby" but everyone responds to it and no one gets offended that they were too referred to it.

The Fest was amazing, we rocked out to a ton of bands including the Counting crows, Stephen Marley,the Allman Bros, and my new favorite, Better than Ezra which I had no idea the lead singer was so funny. Here is a picture of people dancing to one of the Jazz bands. I guess there is a tradition of bringing funny little umbrellas to dance with if you like the music. So great!

We met so many people in New Orleans, I hope I can convey the characters and try to be brief all the same.

The first night we got there we met a guy from England (on the border of Wales mind you!) who was very young and I would guess lived out in the middle of nowhere England because I could only understand very little of what he was saying. Or it might have been the amount of drinks that guy had. This is Richard in my glasses. He thought they looked "brilliant".

The second night Lisa and I met a bunch of people. From Jenn and Frankie (Frankaline)

who showed us around town and introduced us to the "Spotted Cat" lounge where we met Johnny from Nantucket who is the one and only inventor of the "Handy Cane". Yes folks we met him in a small place but as you all know is a big man. If you are so ignorant and don't know know what the Handy Cane is click here. Don't worry, we didn't know either and he gave us a bad look when he found out we either: one-didn't buy real Christmas trees or two- were Jewish. Funny guy though.

Over all the people we met, my favorite by far was Alvin. Lisa and I went to a piano bar on Bourbon street one night and listened to an eclectic mix of hits performed by dueling pianos, when all of the sudden a man rushes in and stood in the small cranny made by the two grand pianos. He had what looked like the little white chef-hat like caps that you would see on the ends of a large turkey legs at Thanksgiving on each of his fingers. They might have been specialized pads but one couldn't imagine what he was doing with his fingers wrapped up like they were. We soon found out, when he started tapping on the bottom of a platter with a few coins on it to make tambourine sounding "kroosh, kroosh" on beat with the pianos. Then he started dancing. The man was so funny with his VERY tight black shiny short sleeved shirt and a gray vest, that people were throwing money on his platter like he was the piano man himself.

So, now the person who I really wanted to tell you about. Let me regress...

Before I left for New Orleans I received two separate phone calls from my sister and my father. Both said that they had been to NOLA and loved it and that I HAD to go to a place called Jacques-imos because they both said the food was to die for. So after the Fest on the second day Lisa and I took a cab to the most crowded restaurant I have ever seen and put our name on a 2 hour waiting list. Because we got there so late we were starving and the thought of waiting 2 hours to eat was murderous. So we thought we would stand by the EXTREMELY crowded bar that took up a good portion of the front room and see if we could get an appetizer to hold us over. We almost had to stand at the waiter's stand to get close enough to the bar where we ordered a glass of wine and some Jambalaya. THE BEST jambalaya on the earth, hands down. It also came with some fried green tomatoes which If I can say, were better than any thing I have tasted. ever. Just as we were raving at the quality of the food the man sitting next to us let us sit down and was telling us that he lived in NO and Jack Leonardi (the owner and head chef) was renowned for his recipes and opened a small food stand somewhere else in the city and that was always packed with people as well. As soon as he brought up the owners name, there came a voice over my shoulder "Oh don't talk about that man, he is a creep!" We turn around to see the great chef himself with the biggest smile on his face. So, because Lisa and I are so beautiful and friendly we engage Jack in conversation and over the course of the time it took to be called to sit and have dinner, Jack had bought us appetizers and drinks. So much so that I had to take our names off the waiting list because we we too full to eat another bite. And we had the most amazing dinner imaginable- for free (almost). So this blog is dedicated to my sister and my father. And Ern, You may not know Jack, but I do!

fauna

That last blog got me thinking of the animals in my yard. I have a TINY yard. I don't even think some would even classify it as a yard. It's more like a small patio although I think it's smaller than my parents' "side of the house" which is too small to do anything with except throw the dog shit there. So why would there be so many animals?! I don't know. The only animals that I put there are my tiny tortoises... in my TINY yard. This is Turbo, (Jet was hiding when I went to take the picture).

Yesterday I cleaned the house a bit and open the door to get some fresh air from my tiny yard and this bird was going crazy so after about 1o minutes I went out getting ready to see a HUGE bird from the sound it was making, thinking how could such a huge bird fit in my tiny yard and this is what i saw.

A tiny bird. Actually the smallest bird ever! A hummimngbird! Making that much noise? It was pretty cute though. :)

I think the biggest thing I have ever seen in my tiny yard is what my cousin Krista likes to call "The monster". Actually I have had many infestations of "The Monster"bugs but the first time Krista saw one she screamed like she was being cut up. I had a long discussion with an expert and he told me it was a Manduca Rustica Larve. I think that's what he said anyway.

That picture doesn't really tell how large this thing is... here try this one...

This is my tiny spade that threw it over the wall shortly after I took this picture.

The scariest think I saw was a dimonback rattlesnake. I was looking for the elusive Jet and turned over the tiny ramada I had made for him and there he was, cuddling right next to this horrid creature. No I didn't get a picture of it. God be damned if I went outside again before the "animal" control guy got there. But I did take a picture of the 5 snakes Alex and I saw at the most wonderful cnayon in the world.

Not to worry. These were the "good" kind of snakes. At least that's what everyone has told me. I am just wondering why I my tiny tortoises don't have "good" friends, I caught then hanging out with the Dimondback. I guess that's why Jet was hiding when family picture time comes around. I gave him a good grounding for that one and he was getting back at me. Ahhh, Kids these days. Maybe if I gave them a bigger room...

HOOT!

Nick and Kristine came over last night for a beer. I started telling them about when i first moved into this house and there was a huge owl that used to come around an scare the absolute crap out of me because he hooted so loudly.

All of the sudden it came back! We heard it on the roof and everyone looked around at everyone else to see if that was really happening. Nick shouted for me to go get the camera and this is what we saw.

It was scary and when Kristine started making little mouse sounds I took the picture right when it was scoping us out.

I think we would have second thought our sounds of prey when we found out that it was a BIRD OF SATAN!
Look at those eyes!!! my god!

red necks

I love camping.

Last weekend we went camping to Parker Canyon Lake. The lake was beautiful but it contained no fish. At least none that liked to eat our bait.
Here are some pictures of the gang getting ready to not catch anything.

Eric in his duck hunting attire-

Errriiic...we weren't hunting ducks...
maybe that was part of our problem?

Nick and Kristine, trying to figure out what to do with the dogs. Kristine I'm afraid said she thinks she needs another vacation to get away from her pups. But she sure had a great collection of lotions!

Rock on.


here is Alex and Matt not catching anything and the dog running wild. Notice the wild dog in the upper right hand corner... Here is an action shot.and to end it all. Nick catching one fish. Look at the excitement on his face.

We ate that tiny fish with some awesome cheese soup that Alex attempted to make but all we really came back with were dirt under our fingernails and red necks.

From Sea to Shining Sea

As for my beloved country, I can't say that anywhere can compare to Tucson, Arizona. Alex and I went hiking last Friday. I had the beautiful day off of work and Alex, because he is awesome, took the day off to spend with me. BIG kudos to him.
One thing Alex likes to do, God Bless him, is to take the road less traveled and Friday was no different. The trip started out by taking Alex's new car up to Mt Lemmon , parking at the Prison camp and walking on the Arizona trail. Here is a picture of my lovely city in the desert from on top of the mountain...and starting our hike...
after about an hour or two, Alex decided that we should go off the trail because the trail we were on was too widely used and he knew of a prettier place. Now, believe it or not, I have done a lot of crazy things against other peoples better judgment, but when Alex started treading through the bushes I remembered when I first met him and he went on a 3 day "soul cleansing" hike in the same area. He was alone with a no good map, and all he brought with him was a water filter and some cheese. He got lost, cut up and had to re trace his steps 3 times before calling me and saying, "...Don't get worried, but I'm lost, I see bear tracks and dung all over and I might need you to call the helicopter." Well, needless to say, when Alex said he knew a better way, I thought better of it but because I had pretty good bearings on where we were and I had brought my gators just in case of this exact moment, put them on and told him I would follow. And low and behold I will never second guess that guy again. What we saw was the most amazing piece of canyon! Actually the part we saw was right above seven falls in Bear canyon.
Dear Alex, I will follow you anywhere. Heart.

Hoffmann Roast

So I have been told that my blog is "political" and "not republican" and a british friend of mine asked me to clerify that I really did like America. So I am going to not just write about things in America that I think are "absurd" but also my life. (which still fits the theme since I am an american and things I do are still what life is like in America, and which also fits my friend Ben's theme of selfishness).
So today, not fitting with either of those themes, I want to introduce you to my friends Scott and Julie Hoffmann who are selfless, model Americans to be sure.
There are 2 reasons I want to exploit them, one because Scott (-Dufus affectionatly) sent me pictures of his recent climbing trip to Robbers Roost, UT and the pictures made me so jelous I can hardly stand it, and the second reason is this week is Julie's 30th Birthday and what a good way to celebrate, to have little roost of my own. (I know it's roast, scotty, but you didn't go to Robbers Roast did you?)

I met Scott and Julie in Africa-well actually in a small room in Washington DC on the way to Africa: they were in the Peace Corps with me.
When I think of those early days in Ghana, I remember them like this.- Scott and Julie after Scott had shaved his head for the first time...

cute couple huh?
and they just got cuter as time went on... actually Scott's hair didn't get any cuterthough... here is Scott with his hair buddies Rob and Ben. They took a bet to see how long their hair can grow, but no one knew it was just Julie's slyness that got Mel to make that bet because she didn't like the bald thing. Although, Julie, I'm sorry to say, this wasn't much better.

Here's the cute couple, voted prom king and queen. And yes Scott is not wearing a shirt. Surprised?

I have a favorite picture of Scott and Julie, and this I am proud to say could have been the hardest I have ever laughed in my whole life. And for those of you who know i like to laugh, you can imagine.

What are they doing you might ask? Why is Julie holding a LARGE bottle of beer under her boob? Well just be glad I was laughing too hard to get out my camera and take the picture so you could see why Scott is sitting in a puddle of that beer. And why is Scott in tiny speedos? Well my friends, to this day I STILL have no idea, but scotty does like to drink beer.

Julie also likes to drink beer. This shot is of julie playing a great game we learned called Baghead. I can't really remember the rules, only that if you become the baghead you have to wear a bag on your head and drink your beer through a nasty hole in the bag while others in the game throw bottle caps at you and laugh. Sweet game huh? (notice the bottle cap that has just hit Julie's bag while she was sticking her tougue out of the nasty lil' hole...)

All these pictures are agreed not very good quality, but hopefully Scott and Julie can remember the great times we had andhopefully many more to go.

Love you guys, happy birthday julie.

pimp that snack

ok actually I think this is an English thing, not an American thing, but how cares it's funny.
Have you seen this website? people making huge food! why do we want bigger stuff all the time?
Check it out "pimp that snack".
my by far favorite one is the Cadbury creme egg. The time it took to paint on the tin foil only to be ripped apart and taken a picture of for THIS website! WEIRD!

hummers!

I watched a movie when I got back to the states: Team America. My brother often brings weird movies to my parents house so that we can sit around and watch my parents monstrous flat screen TV which my father bought for himself on my mother's birthday. She was at her charity of a work and came home to see the hole in the wall which held the old TV mutilated and her carpet underneath riddled with wood chips. See my father had gone gown the street a few days earlier and seen the neighbors new High Def 52" flat screen TV and promptly figured out which holiday was closest so he could have an excuse to get one of his own. But the hole for the TV wasn't big enough so he had to get out his electric Saws-All and make the hole bigger. My dad loves Costco as do most Americans because you can get BIG stuff there which comes in BULK! (now that all you Americans have read this I'm sure you want your own huge Television so here is the link) MORE STUFF! See, in bulk you can theoretically buy things cheaper. Americans see this as a bargain but I have rarely seen anyone come out of Costco spending less then $200. (quick fact-$200 is what the average Ghanaian makes in 6 months.
Costco Is America.
Anyway I saw Team America when I got back, and if you haven't seen it , do. It's great. don't see it near the children though, because you will subject them to scenes of puppet humor that don't get shown on channel 6. The movie (full name: Team America, World Police. Putting the "F" back in freedom) is a parody of American life, showing patriotic puppets that have teamed up to fight the world. After watching it you will notice things like this in your own neighborhood...if you can't see it, sorry it's was taken with my camera phone- another great American invention. This picture is of a black Hummer with large bull horns and an American Flag plate tied to the front grate. Yes Folks, America has some of the best road systems in this great world of ours, but we Americans think that we need an armored tank of a vehicle to get from our air conditioned houses to Tony Romas (which is where this picture was taken) and just to put a little "F" in the equation we feel the need to tie horns on the front of our tanks with an American flag, just in case we might see a terrorist at Tony Romas we have the means to mow him down and put an American mark on his ass.
Hummers are America, fuck yeah.

on the eighth day...

so I came back from Africa to be an American again and I have been noticing things that we do that are a little absurd. I've been back for over 2 1/2 years now so I have a lot of things stored up. I just have to go around and take pictures of these absurdities so we can see ourselves again.
so here it starts.
On the Eighth day, God created the American.